My Big Mama (the “G” in R.E.G.A.L. G.E.M.S.) once told me, “When you get your own house, don’t let people come over and invade your privacy. After a certain time of night they need to be gone. Especially if they aren’t paying bills!” I didn’t understand at 12 years old why this was important. I wasn’t buying a house any time soon, why did she feel the need to tell me about giving people a clear boundary about my future living space? As I got older, I realized that not only was she talking about a physical home but I internalized it on another level.
People will take advantage of you if you don’t set up clear boundaries. If you never tell them how far they can go, they will continue pushing. Your home is your sanctuary. If people can come over whenever & do whatever they want then they lose respect for the space. The same goes for your heart. If you allow others to come and go as they please without any regard for your sacred space, they will lose respect for you.
Boundaries aren’t about keeping people away. It is about respect. The boundary not only protects you from emotional danger but also can help you discern what type of person you are dealing with. If a person is consistent with willingly crossing thresholds that you have clearly stated, they have no intentions of ever considering your feelings.
The most important thing about boundaries is that once they are set, you have to stick to them. Any ounce of wiggle room shows others that it’s not important & that they can push the issue. Once a queen gets clear about what it is she does or does not want, it is up to her to set up & enforce the non-negotiables of her life. Don’t be afraid to protect yourself emotionally. You are your best advocate. I’m rooting for you.